Kingdom of Bron
Many years ago
When King John married the Russian Princess Nadia, it broke Gwendolyn's heart. When he died at the age of twenty-five, it almost killed her.
Gwendolyn's grief was great, so great that she couldn't leave her bedchamber for over a month. She wanted to hide from the public because she wasn't his wife. Gwendolyn couldn't express hardly any emotion, let alone grief, without raising eyebrows. The gossipy Royal Court watched her every move, and seemed to comment on her every movement. On her days in court, Gwendolyn saw them standing idle around the Royal Castle, talking about her. She knew that they were, for their eyes were suddenly diverted and the voices were hushed. The ladies of the court loved to gossip about those who were higher up in status, and you couldn't get much higher in the court than Gwendolyn. She was the daughter of the Lord of Folles, the closest advisor to the late King Joseph, and hero of the Battle of Milston, and the wife of the Duke of Mulengrad, closest friend and advisor to the late King John.
But Gwendolyn had bigger plans on her mind at the moment. She was expecting her first child. There were plans to be made and family to be notified. It pleased her when Thomas, her husband, insisted she stay home from the Royal Court and allow him to take care of her family business for her. It was really a relief to be away from the gossip. She thought she would enjoy being home.
She soon learned being home wasn't that great of a blessing. Gwendolyn realized how lonely she was. Thomas was swamped with both family estates' business now to take care of and was not around that often. As a result of her loneliness, she found herself thinking about the past constantly. Gwendolyn yearned for her mother, who died when she was young, she barely knew her. Every time Thomas discussed business with her, she thought of her father and how he should be handling the estate affairs, not her. He died only a year ago.
Gwendolyn often thought of her sister Jacqueline and cried. She remembered how the family blamed Jacqueline for her mother's death, since she died in childbirth. The memory of Jacqueline haunted her for she alone felt she was responsible for her fate. Jacqueline ran away, possibly from taking Gwendolyn's advice a little too much to heart. No one knew where she was. But most of all, she missed John.
His memory made her smile. She remembered her childhood with him and Thomas. Their playground was the Royal Castle. The members of the royal court smiled when they saw the future King playing with the children of his father's closest advisors. They laughed at them as they ran by them, saying how contagious their laughter was.
When Thomas was young he was groomed to enter the clergy and he spent more time studying than Gwen and John. It seemed natural that Gwendolyn and John be drawn to each other: they had known each other all of their lives. They fell in love when they were five. The Courtiers murmured she would be the next Queen. John said he would marry her one day. It wasn't meant to be, she told herself as she remembered those days. In order to seal a treaty with Russia, John had to marry Princess Nadia.
Her father promptly sent her back to the family estate, a large sweeping castle and lands called the Folles an hour ride from the royal court, after he informed her of the engagement. Everyone agreed it would be for the best. "For the best" was a statement she loathed. Her entire life people had said that to her. "It is for the best that your sister stay at the Folles," they said when her sister was ill, which was often, and couldn't ride to court with her and father. "It's for the best that you don't visit your mother's grave", they said when she found out where it was and snuck there one day. And now, instead of being the Queen, she returned to the court as his childhood friend, ranking somewhere around his cousins in social importance in the court. Everyone kept staying it was for the best that she stay away for a while and that made her blood boil.
But she knew she would have to come back to court eventually. So, almost a month after the wedding, Gwendolyn made her first appearance to the court to meet the new Princess. She found it dreadful. She heard the whispers of the court as she entered the reception room at the Royal Castle. The female Courtiers lined the walls talking about the wedding until they saw her. Then their faces turned sad. They started saying to each other "Such a shame," "What will she do?" But when she approached them, they embraced her with great sympathy. They wanted her to be Queen. She was one of their own. She loved John and would care for him. She at least spoke their language, and they knew what the inflections in her voice meant. They told her this with their eyes and expressions. Many of the women in the court patted her hand when she greeted them and gave her the most wonderful looks of understanding. It made her cry.
Before the Princess Nadia would be introduced to the court, she tried to leave. She left the room and ran into Thomas in the hallway. "What are you doing?" he asked. He saw the tears pouring down her face.
"I can't do this. Not for all the gold on Earth."
"Gwen, you can do this," he said as he gave her a hug. "You can't hide from the court forever."
"Yes I can! I can't face her. What do I say?"
Thomas smiled as he let her go. "You courtesy and say 'Hello, I am Lady Gwendolyn of Folles and you are an awful person and I hate you." They shared a laugh together, just like when they were kids. Thomas sat with her until she was ready. Then, together, they turned around and headed back to the reception room. It was Thomas who held her hand when the Princess was introduced to her.
"So you are the Gwendolyn I have heard so much about," her interpreter said. Nadia looked her over as Gwen noticed how beautifully overdressed she was. There was a moment of terror in the court as the awkwardness of the situation set in. The two stared at each other for a moment. Nadia broke the silence as she inquired where Gwendolyn was during the wedding celebration. It was Thomas who answered for her.
"Urgent family business at the Folles. It's her family estate. Quite breathe taking. You and John should come with us one weekend to visit." It was the first time that Thomas ever referred to them as "us". It made her feel wonderful. John started sending for her shortly after the death of his father, who died just two months after the wedding. He was as miserable as she was. But when they were together, things were okay. It felt like home to her.
Thomas knew all about it. John and Gwendolyn confided in him everything. Thomas was the politician, and the plan maker. Since his father and brother died in the great illnesses that happened around every winter, he became the Duke of Mulengrad. He was also the closest advisor to the King and one of the most eligible men in the court. It came as no shock to anyone when Gwendolyn and Thomas's engagement was announced. However, Thomas married her to protect her, not completely out of romantic love. Their commitment to each other was of solidarity to the past and friendship, and the marriage worked. No one asked questions when she learned that she was pregnant. Everyone assumed the child was Thomas'.
That was the past. Now, in the confines of the Castle of Mulengrad, just a ten-minute ride to the city gates, Gwendolyn wandered around the house as the baby grew and wished she could have seen John before he died. His death was too sudden. She didn't get to see him. Not on his deathbed, not at his funeral (she was too ill in the early stages of pregnancy to go), so she never had a chance to say goodbye.
Gwendolyn decided she had to say goodbye; maybe she would start to be happy again, have some sense of closure. Her mind whipped up a plan to see his grave and say goodbye. He was laid to rest in the Abbey at Shergold. Shergold held the royal and some of the noble tombs, including her mother's family and Thomas's family. It was only up the road about a half of an hour away.
Every Tuesday and Saturday morning at eight thirty, the Memorial Mass was said at the Cathedral. She would ride to Shergold on Tuesday at seven, say her prayers to her family and most of all to John, and ride back for the Memorial Mass. It made wonderful sense. Most people only visited Shergold on Saturday or Sunday. No one would be there. No one would see her.
The first Tuesday, her groom rode her to Shergold in a borrowed carriage. Gwendolyn entered the abbey alone. She went to her family crypt, and visited her grandparents and her namesake, Aunt Gwendolyn. Carefully, she said her prayers and left the vault. Her family's tombs were near the royal tombs towards the center of the abbey. In fact, they were across from each other. She knew exactly where they were; she remembered it from her childhood. Careful not to make too much noise from her skirts and shoes, Gwendolyn walked over to the Royal Vault. Much to her shock, She found a metal gate blocked the only entrance. She searched her memory, trying to see if the gate had always been there and she had just forgotten it.
Angrily, Gwendolyn tugged at the gate hoping it would open, but it shook loudly and the sound of metal being ground against its self echoed through the vaults. The sound tore her ears and echoed so loudly that she was sure she would have caught the attention of a monk on his way to early mass. With her hands still on the rails of the gate, she peered in. Then as if in a memory, Gwendolyn remembered being there when she was little. John and Thomas were with her. They played around the tombs while some tutor rambled on and on about the history of the royal family. She thought for a minute she heard their laughter...
Icy tears ran down her face. Why do I want the past, she said to herself. Why do I want to go back so badly? Why can't I let it all go and move on?
A bell tolled somewhere, marking the half-hour. Realizing that she wasn't at home, and that she was sobbing uncontrollably, she pulled herself together and left. Gwendolyn had not felt this horrible in a while; not since the death of her mother or the disappearance of her sister or even John's death. Gwendolyn realized that if she were younger, or even if she wasn't pregnant, she would have climbed the gate. It really wasn't that tall. Gwendolyn was determined that by next Tuesday, she would figure out a way in.
The next Tuesday, she still had not figured out a practical way to get in; but she went anyway and paid her respects to her family. Gwendolyn walked over to the royal tombs just to look in. A small part of her felt defeated, but at least she was here in spirit. John would know that she tried to say goodbye.
She leaned up against the gate to look in. There was a slight sound of metal screeching, but it opened. Gwendolyn looked around in amazement. Maybe someone was around. She looked around to see if there was a monk or member of the royal family had entered the tomb. But there was no one there.
Gwendolyn gathered up her skirts and walked in carefully, not to make too much noise as she walked through the tombs. The tombs came up to her waste with their names on the sides. Each tomb was carved with an effigy of the person in stone. They stared up into space blankly. There was no real statement on their faces; no personality, no sign of what they were really like in life. John's tomb was towards the back. His effigy looked nothing like him. In fact, he looked old to her. There was nothing to indicate he was young or anything about him.Gwendolyn suddenly felt worse for visiting. It bothered her to be here. She didn't want him to be remembered this way.
"I'm a fool," she muttered aloud. A stupid fool, she emphasized to herself. It's over now. John was king for almost three years. Not even long enough to establish any sort of legacy. He will be one of those kings her children will learn about as a filler between two other kings.
Tears poured out of her. She couldn't control herself. Gwendolyn collapsed on the floor. Lost in grief, the noise of footsteps didn't register with her at first, but when she heard them again Gwendolyn quickly composed herself. Fearing the gate became locked, she ran for the gate. It was still open, and she ran out. Someone saw her. She knew it. In fear, Gwen ran up the stairs and out of the abbey. When she reached the carriage, Gwendolyn ordered the groom to speed to the cathedral. They didn't slow until they passed the city gates.
Once she reached the Cathedral, Gwendolyn heard the mass. It had already begun. So she headed for the Lady Chapel, the small chapel to the side of the main sanctuary. It was a place Gwendolyn really liked to be when she wanted to be alone. In her head, she would pray to her mother, just like she always did when she was a child.
Gwendolyn wasn't sure how long she had sat there. She was lost in her own thoughts. It surprised her when without thinking she walked up to the small altar in the chapel. She wanted a closer look at the statue of the Madonna. It was a graceful statue of the Madonna holding the Infant Christ. It seemed so delicate. Gwendolyn looked at in detail, from head to toe. On the base of the statue, there was a small dedication plaque. It was tarnished, but Gwendolyn was able to make out the dedication:
In Memoriam
Lady Louisa of Folles
Beloved Mother and Wife
"One of our prized treasures," a voice said from behind her. It caught her off guard and she spun around to find the source. Cardinal William was walking towards her. He was a tall man, looking even larger in his red robe. A small red cap covered his graying hair and he walked forward with the longest strides she had ever seen. When he reached her, he stood behind her and gazed at the statue in awe like she did. "It is from France. Hand made and taken to the Holy Land to be blessed."
"It is dedicated to the memory of my mother," Gwendolyn said in shock.
"It is a good thing you are her daughter. For a moment, I thought I was seeing a ghost," he said with a smile.
"You knew my mother?"
Carefully, he looked at her again. "Yes, I did. In fact, I married your parents." He paused and took another look at her. "And I baptized both you and your sister."
Gwendolyn turned and watched as he walked away from her to the row of chairs in front of the altar. He sat down rather pompously, she thought, for it looked like he was now about ready to hold court. That sort of arrogance normally angered her, and the Cardinal seemed to be oozing in it. However, she was intrigued. She had never known anyone who spoke of her mother freely. Most of her questions were rejected or avoided.
"How did you know Mother?"
"We grew up together. Much like you and your Thomas except quite plutonic." Gwendolyn blushed with this comment. Even if he didn't know all the facts.
She turned and walked over and sat down next to him. "So you know Thomas?"
"Like most members of the court I watched the two of you and King John as you grew up," the memory of this made his face light up. "I was so pleased when you and Thomas married."
"I love him dearly." She added.
"Yes, I know," he said sharply. A little too sharply for her comfort.
There was a pause in the conversation. The Cardinal stared a head at the little altar. Gwendolyn searched for the right questions about her mother. Since he was there at Jacqueline's baptism, he had to be at Mother's funeral. He was one of the few people she felt would have the right answer to the question she most wanted answered. Gwendolyn took a deep breath and asked: "Your Eminence, I must ask you a question and please don't feel you have to answer it. But do you blame Jacqueline for Mother's death?"
The question caught her off guard. It was obvious to her that he searched for the right answer, for it took him a while to answer. "No. Why would I?"
"Everyone else did."
"My child your mother died bringing Jacqueline into this world. That's how much she loved her. Anyone who blamed Jacqueline is being selfish."
Tears welled in her eyes when Cardinal William finished his statement. "Father always did."
"No, he didn't. It was however a painful reminder and with Jacqueline being such a sickly child, he feared he was going to loose her as well." Cardinal William spoke authoritatively, as if he was in expert in her family's relations. "You may not know this, but you are more like your mother than Jacqueline is. Jacqueline was more like your father in disposition. It pained him greatly that there was nothing he could do to ease so much of the pain she went through. And I think it disturbed him as well that she bared it gracefully. She never once complained or whined. Not aloud anyway."
Gwendolyn was intrigued by his arrogance. "How do you know so much?"
Cardinal William looked shocked. "I was there."
"Why don't I remember you?"
"Because you were too wrapped up in your own world, which consisted of Thomas and John, and your cousins."
Possibly, Gwendolyn thought to herself. She was a typical child. "How do you know so much of what Father was thinking?"
"He told me. It was a terrible blow to him when Jacqueline ran away. He went through a lot of trouble to arrange that marriage to Prince Stephan. She could have been Queen of Bron today." He said this with a smile of wonder, as if he was visualizing the possibilities.
"I miss her," Gwendolyn muttered.
"You two were close, weren't you?" He asked.
"Yes. I always felt I had to love her since Father didn't; didn't at least show her anyway. I wish she was around so that I could talk to her."
"Angry because she ran out of her own wedding?"
Gwendolyn looked up in shock. "Angry? There is no way I could be mad at her for that. That was the single bravest act I have ever seen a woman commit. I am proud of her for it and will be forever."
"What do you have against marriage?" Cardinal William asked in horror.
Gwendolyn was getting angry. The constant line of questioning was beginning to bother her. "Nothing."
"Are you happily married?"
"Yes."
"Why praise your sister for running out on it?"
Controlling her temper the best she could she stood up. "Your Eminence, I love my husband. We have known and loved each other for years. I praise my sister because she would not accept a marriage with someone she did not love simply because it fit into her father's plans."
"I'm sorry to have angered you so. I see you have much of your father in you now. That legendary temper made your father a hero you know." He looked at her stomach, bulging noticeably out of her layers of dress. "This can't be good for you. Please, sit down," as he motioned for her to sit next to him.
He looked down at his hands. Gwendolyn stared at that statue on the altar. There was a moment of awkwardness. "I'm sorry if I have upset you," he said as he continued to stare at him hands.
Gwendolyn hadn't felt so much grief in her life. In a moment, she was grieving for her past: her mother, father, sister, and her love. Never before had the pain loss been as great. All she could ask about was the statue. "Where did you get that?"
"Your Father bought it for your mother. I don't know the details. But when your father left for the Holy Land he carried it with him and had it blessed at the site of Christ's birth. It was your Mother's favorite piece."
"So why is it here?" she said angrily.
"Your Father gave it to me when he furnished the funds to build this chapel. It was right after your mother's death."
"Why?"
Cardinal didn't know what to say. He simply uttered the fact that he didn't know. Another awkward silence began. It lasted a few moments until the sound of mass exiting the cathedral broke them back to reality. "Are you looking forward to motherhood yourself?" he asked.
"Very much so."
"I suspect you will not be at the formal coronation ceremony next month."
"No, the baby will be too much in the way by then."
"I suppose too it is hard being so close to King John to see the coronation of Prince Stephan."
"Yes, it was all very sudden." Gwendolyn added.
"You know I was with him until he died along with Queen Nadia. Will it give you any comfort to know he died peacefully?"
Gwendolyn froze for a moment. She didn't know what to say.
"I also took his last confession."
Angered, Gwendolyn looked at him. The comment angered her. It was almost like he was flaunting a secret. She searched her mind for a diplomatic way out of the conversation. But he continued. "He wanted me to look after you."
Angered by this comment, Gwendolyn got up and stormed out. Cardinal William followed her as she tore out the Lady Chapel and out to the door. When he caught up to her she was almost to the door. "Did I say something to offend, Duchess?"
"For the record, I prefer to be called by my father's family title, which makes me the Lady of Folles. And if you are hinting at some innuendo or courtly rumor about me and King John I really don't appreciate it."
Angered, he stormed in front of her. "Follow me," he said as he stormed towards the confessionals. Usually, Gwendolyn did not take orders. Being a member of nobility, she gave them, she never took them. Yet, she swallowed her pride and anger, and followed him into the confessional. She sat down on the bench, placed her hands on her belly.
She watched as he opened the confessional window.
"My child, I loved your mother as a sister. She was one of the kindest women I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. In respect your mother, I would never hurt you."
"I'm sorry if my actions were defensive, your Eminence," Gwendolyn said without apology. "I have heard so many rumors about me and my child I'm sick of them."
"Would you like to know about John's last day?"
Gwendolyn looked at him in shock. She didn't remember saying yes, but he began to tell her anyway. "He was in and out of consciousness, but he stayed lucid enough to give me his final confession. I can tell you that he loved you dearly and felt horrible about not being with you."
Tears poured down her face as he continued. "He did not want to die for he was excited to see his child. He told me that he wanted to live long enough to see you give birth. He was so weak though, I knew it wouldn't happen. And he told me I was the third person on earth to know the truth about your child. He begged my silence."
"So why are you telling me this now?" Gwendolyn said between her tears.
"So that you may have a friend other than Thomas. Admit the fact that you are alone in the world. Aside from Thomas, you have your fundamentalist uncle and aunt who oversee the Folles. You can't tell them anything. You don't know where Jacqueline is and I am the only link to your family. Truth be told I miss your mother's friendship and I was hoping that you and I could be friends."
Gwendolyn thought about this for a moment. "I must have your total confidence."
"I swear on your mother's grave. You have my word."
Gwendolyn whipped the tears out of her eyes as the clock in town struck the half-hour. "I need to go," she said as she got up and walked out of the booth. She was halfway to the door when she realized she never thanked him. Gwendolyn quickly turned around and walked back to him. He was standing there watching her walk away.
"Thank you," she said as she took his hand in hers. "You have given me a great deal of peace and for that I don't know if I could ever fully repay you. Would you please come by our home sometime and tell me more about my mother?"
Cardinal William stood there in shock. He didn't know how to respond. He uttered the words "I would love to." She smiled a smile that reminded him so much her mother and he felt a tear roll down his face as she walked out the door.
At dinner that night, Thomas commented on how much happier Gwendolyn seemed.
"I discovered an old friend today," Gwendolyn answered on how she had changed her mood.
"Who?"
"Cardinal William."
Thomas dropped his goblet.
"Do you have any idea of who he is?" Thomas asked as the servants cleaned up the split cup.
"He was a childhood friend of Mother's."
"He is an advisor to King Stephan."
"So?"
Thomas saw that she didn't care. "Anything you say around him could be taken to the King."
Gwendolyn got up and walked over to his chair. She bent down and whispered in his ear: "Are you asking if he knows about the baby?"
"Yes."
"He swore on Mother's grave the secret dies with him."
"I can't believe you told him."
"He already knew."
"By whom."
"John told him."
Thomas was upset. He got up from the table and walked over to the fireplace. Gwendolyn remained beside his chair for a moment. Then she walked over to him. "It hit me today during my visit to Shergold that John will be remembered as a filler king. You remember those long lists of Kings we had to remember in history. His name will simply be a name to be memorized on a list. Nothing else will be remembered. No one will mention his kindness; or how he tired to help the poor or bring peace with Brittany and Spain." Gwendolyn whispered.
"So?"
"I never knew my mother. Mother was gone and you remember how my father was never around. Every time I asked, no one ever told me anything about her. If something happens to you and me Cardinal William will be around to tell our children about us. About John and the good he tried to do. That way, we will live on."
"Stephan may very well be insane," Thomas whispered back. "And if he finds out the truth we could die."
"Small price to pay for a friend," she said, smiling.
Many years ago
When King John married the Russian Princess Nadia, it broke Gwendolyn's heart. When he died at the age of twenty-five, it almost killed her.
Gwendolyn's grief was great, so great that she couldn't leave her bedchamber for over a month. She wanted to hide from the public because she wasn't his wife. Gwendolyn couldn't express hardly any emotion, let alone grief, without raising eyebrows. The gossipy Royal Court watched her every move, and seemed to comment on her every movement. On her days in court, Gwendolyn saw them standing idle around the Royal Castle, talking about her. She knew that they were, for their eyes were suddenly diverted and the voices were hushed. The ladies of the court loved to gossip about those who were higher up in status, and you couldn't get much higher in the court than Gwendolyn. She was the daughter of the Lord of Folles, the closest advisor to the late King Joseph, and hero of the Battle of Milston, and the wife of the Duke of Mulengrad, closest friend and advisor to the late King John.
But Gwendolyn had bigger plans on her mind at the moment. She was expecting her first child. There were plans to be made and family to be notified. It pleased her when Thomas, her husband, insisted she stay home from the Royal Court and allow him to take care of her family business for her. It was really a relief to be away from the gossip. She thought she would enjoy being home.
She soon learned being home wasn't that great of a blessing. Gwendolyn realized how lonely she was. Thomas was swamped with both family estates' business now to take care of and was not around that often. As a result of her loneliness, she found herself thinking about the past constantly. Gwendolyn yearned for her mother, who died when she was young, she barely knew her. Every time Thomas discussed business with her, she thought of her father and how he should be handling the estate affairs, not her. He died only a year ago.
Gwendolyn often thought of her sister Jacqueline and cried. She remembered how the family blamed Jacqueline for her mother's death, since she died in childbirth. The memory of Jacqueline haunted her for she alone felt she was responsible for her fate. Jacqueline ran away, possibly from taking Gwendolyn's advice a little too much to heart. No one knew where she was. But most of all, she missed John.
His memory made her smile. She remembered her childhood with him and Thomas. Their playground was the Royal Castle. The members of the royal court smiled when they saw the future King playing with the children of his father's closest advisors. They laughed at them as they ran by them, saying how contagious their laughter was.
When Thomas was young he was groomed to enter the clergy and he spent more time studying than Gwen and John. It seemed natural that Gwendolyn and John be drawn to each other: they had known each other all of their lives. They fell in love when they were five. The Courtiers murmured she would be the next Queen. John said he would marry her one day. It wasn't meant to be, she told herself as she remembered those days. In order to seal a treaty with Russia, John had to marry Princess Nadia.
Her father promptly sent her back to the family estate, a large sweeping castle and lands called the Folles an hour ride from the royal court, after he informed her of the engagement. Everyone agreed it would be for the best. "For the best" was a statement she loathed. Her entire life people had said that to her. "It is for the best that your sister stay at the Folles," they said when her sister was ill, which was often, and couldn't ride to court with her and father. "It's for the best that you don't visit your mother's grave", they said when she found out where it was and snuck there one day. And now, instead of being the Queen, she returned to the court as his childhood friend, ranking somewhere around his cousins in social importance in the court. Everyone kept staying it was for the best that she stay away for a while and that made her blood boil.
But she knew she would have to come back to court eventually. So, almost a month after the wedding, Gwendolyn made her first appearance to the court to meet the new Princess. She found it dreadful. She heard the whispers of the court as she entered the reception room at the Royal Castle. The female Courtiers lined the walls talking about the wedding until they saw her. Then their faces turned sad. They started saying to each other "Such a shame," "What will she do?" But when she approached them, they embraced her with great sympathy. They wanted her to be Queen. She was one of their own. She loved John and would care for him. She at least spoke their language, and they knew what the inflections in her voice meant. They told her this with their eyes and expressions. Many of the women in the court patted her hand when she greeted them and gave her the most wonderful looks of understanding. It made her cry.
Before the Princess Nadia would be introduced to the court, she tried to leave. She left the room and ran into Thomas in the hallway. "What are you doing?" he asked. He saw the tears pouring down her face.
"I can't do this. Not for all the gold on Earth."
"Gwen, you can do this," he said as he gave her a hug. "You can't hide from the court forever."
"Yes I can! I can't face her. What do I say?"
Thomas smiled as he let her go. "You courtesy and say 'Hello, I am Lady Gwendolyn of Folles and you are an awful person and I hate you." They shared a laugh together, just like when they were kids. Thomas sat with her until she was ready. Then, together, they turned around and headed back to the reception room. It was Thomas who held her hand when the Princess was introduced to her.
"So you are the Gwendolyn I have heard so much about," her interpreter said. Nadia looked her over as Gwen noticed how beautifully overdressed she was. There was a moment of terror in the court as the awkwardness of the situation set in. The two stared at each other for a moment. Nadia broke the silence as she inquired where Gwendolyn was during the wedding celebration. It was Thomas who answered for her.
"Urgent family business at the Folles. It's her family estate. Quite breathe taking. You and John should come with us one weekend to visit." It was the first time that Thomas ever referred to them as "us". It made her feel wonderful. John started sending for her shortly after the death of his father, who died just two months after the wedding. He was as miserable as she was. But when they were together, things were okay. It felt like home to her.
Thomas knew all about it. John and Gwendolyn confided in him everything. Thomas was the politician, and the plan maker. Since his father and brother died in the great illnesses that happened around every winter, he became the Duke of Mulengrad. He was also the closest advisor to the King and one of the most eligible men in the court. It came as no shock to anyone when Gwendolyn and Thomas's engagement was announced. However, Thomas married her to protect her, not completely out of romantic love. Their commitment to each other was of solidarity to the past and friendship, and the marriage worked. No one asked questions when she learned that she was pregnant. Everyone assumed the child was Thomas'.
That was the past. Now, in the confines of the Castle of Mulengrad, just a ten-minute ride to the city gates, Gwendolyn wandered around the house as the baby grew and wished she could have seen John before he died. His death was too sudden. She didn't get to see him. Not on his deathbed, not at his funeral (she was too ill in the early stages of pregnancy to go), so she never had a chance to say goodbye.
Gwendolyn decided she had to say goodbye; maybe she would start to be happy again, have some sense of closure. Her mind whipped up a plan to see his grave and say goodbye. He was laid to rest in the Abbey at Shergold. Shergold held the royal and some of the noble tombs, including her mother's family and Thomas's family. It was only up the road about a half of an hour away.
Every Tuesday and Saturday morning at eight thirty, the Memorial Mass was said at the Cathedral. She would ride to Shergold on Tuesday at seven, say her prayers to her family and most of all to John, and ride back for the Memorial Mass. It made wonderful sense. Most people only visited Shergold on Saturday or Sunday. No one would be there. No one would see her.
The first Tuesday, her groom rode her to Shergold in a borrowed carriage. Gwendolyn entered the abbey alone. She went to her family crypt, and visited her grandparents and her namesake, Aunt Gwendolyn. Carefully, she said her prayers and left the vault. Her family's tombs were near the royal tombs towards the center of the abbey. In fact, they were across from each other. She knew exactly where they were; she remembered it from her childhood. Careful not to make too much noise from her skirts and shoes, Gwendolyn walked over to the Royal Vault. Much to her shock, She found a metal gate blocked the only entrance. She searched her memory, trying to see if the gate had always been there and she had just forgotten it.
Angrily, Gwendolyn tugged at the gate hoping it would open, but it shook loudly and the sound of metal being ground against its self echoed through the vaults. The sound tore her ears and echoed so loudly that she was sure she would have caught the attention of a monk on his way to early mass. With her hands still on the rails of the gate, she peered in. Then as if in a memory, Gwendolyn remembered being there when she was little. John and Thomas were with her. They played around the tombs while some tutor rambled on and on about the history of the royal family. She thought for a minute she heard their laughter...
Icy tears ran down her face. Why do I want the past, she said to herself. Why do I want to go back so badly? Why can't I let it all go and move on?
A bell tolled somewhere, marking the half-hour. Realizing that she wasn't at home, and that she was sobbing uncontrollably, she pulled herself together and left. Gwendolyn had not felt this horrible in a while; not since the death of her mother or the disappearance of her sister or even John's death. Gwendolyn realized that if she were younger, or even if she wasn't pregnant, she would have climbed the gate. It really wasn't that tall. Gwendolyn was determined that by next Tuesday, she would figure out a way in.
The next Tuesday, she still had not figured out a practical way to get in; but she went anyway and paid her respects to her family. Gwendolyn walked over to the royal tombs just to look in. A small part of her felt defeated, but at least she was here in spirit. John would know that she tried to say goodbye.
She leaned up against the gate to look in. There was a slight sound of metal screeching, but it opened. Gwendolyn looked around in amazement. Maybe someone was around. She looked around to see if there was a monk or member of the royal family had entered the tomb. But there was no one there.
Gwendolyn gathered up her skirts and walked in carefully, not to make too much noise as she walked through the tombs. The tombs came up to her waste with their names on the sides. Each tomb was carved with an effigy of the person in stone. They stared up into space blankly. There was no real statement on their faces; no personality, no sign of what they were really like in life. John's tomb was towards the back. His effigy looked nothing like him. In fact, he looked old to her. There was nothing to indicate he was young or anything about him.Gwendolyn suddenly felt worse for visiting. It bothered her to be here. She didn't want him to be remembered this way.
"I'm a fool," she muttered aloud. A stupid fool, she emphasized to herself. It's over now. John was king for almost three years. Not even long enough to establish any sort of legacy. He will be one of those kings her children will learn about as a filler between two other kings.
Tears poured out of her. She couldn't control herself. Gwendolyn collapsed on the floor. Lost in grief, the noise of footsteps didn't register with her at first, but when she heard them again Gwendolyn quickly composed herself. Fearing the gate became locked, she ran for the gate. It was still open, and she ran out. Someone saw her. She knew it. In fear, Gwen ran up the stairs and out of the abbey. When she reached the carriage, Gwendolyn ordered the groom to speed to the cathedral. They didn't slow until they passed the city gates.
Once she reached the Cathedral, Gwendolyn heard the mass. It had already begun. So she headed for the Lady Chapel, the small chapel to the side of the main sanctuary. It was a place Gwendolyn really liked to be when she wanted to be alone. In her head, she would pray to her mother, just like she always did when she was a child.
Gwendolyn wasn't sure how long she had sat there. She was lost in her own thoughts. It surprised her when without thinking she walked up to the small altar in the chapel. She wanted a closer look at the statue of the Madonna. It was a graceful statue of the Madonna holding the Infant Christ. It seemed so delicate. Gwendolyn looked at in detail, from head to toe. On the base of the statue, there was a small dedication plaque. It was tarnished, but Gwendolyn was able to make out the dedication:
In Memoriam
Lady Louisa of Folles
Beloved Mother and Wife
"One of our prized treasures," a voice said from behind her. It caught her off guard and she spun around to find the source. Cardinal William was walking towards her. He was a tall man, looking even larger in his red robe. A small red cap covered his graying hair and he walked forward with the longest strides she had ever seen. When he reached her, he stood behind her and gazed at the statue in awe like she did. "It is from France. Hand made and taken to the Holy Land to be blessed."
"It is dedicated to the memory of my mother," Gwendolyn said in shock.
"It is a good thing you are her daughter. For a moment, I thought I was seeing a ghost," he said with a smile.
"You knew my mother?"
Carefully, he looked at her again. "Yes, I did. In fact, I married your parents." He paused and took another look at her. "And I baptized both you and your sister."
Gwendolyn turned and watched as he walked away from her to the row of chairs in front of the altar. He sat down rather pompously, she thought, for it looked like he was now about ready to hold court. That sort of arrogance normally angered her, and the Cardinal seemed to be oozing in it. However, she was intrigued. She had never known anyone who spoke of her mother freely. Most of her questions were rejected or avoided.
"How did you know Mother?"
"We grew up together. Much like you and your Thomas except quite plutonic." Gwendolyn blushed with this comment. Even if he didn't know all the facts.
She turned and walked over and sat down next to him. "So you know Thomas?"
"Like most members of the court I watched the two of you and King John as you grew up," the memory of this made his face light up. "I was so pleased when you and Thomas married."
"I love him dearly." She added.
"Yes, I know," he said sharply. A little too sharply for her comfort.
There was a pause in the conversation. The Cardinal stared a head at the little altar. Gwendolyn searched for the right questions about her mother. Since he was there at Jacqueline's baptism, he had to be at Mother's funeral. He was one of the few people she felt would have the right answer to the question she most wanted answered. Gwendolyn took a deep breath and asked: "Your Eminence, I must ask you a question and please don't feel you have to answer it. But do you blame Jacqueline for Mother's death?"
The question caught her off guard. It was obvious to her that he searched for the right answer, for it took him a while to answer. "No. Why would I?"
"Everyone else did."
"My child your mother died bringing Jacqueline into this world. That's how much she loved her. Anyone who blamed Jacqueline is being selfish."
Tears welled in her eyes when Cardinal William finished his statement. "Father always did."
"No, he didn't. It was however a painful reminder and with Jacqueline being such a sickly child, he feared he was going to loose her as well." Cardinal William spoke authoritatively, as if he was in expert in her family's relations. "You may not know this, but you are more like your mother than Jacqueline is. Jacqueline was more like your father in disposition. It pained him greatly that there was nothing he could do to ease so much of the pain she went through. And I think it disturbed him as well that she bared it gracefully. She never once complained or whined. Not aloud anyway."
Gwendolyn was intrigued by his arrogance. "How do you know so much?"
Cardinal William looked shocked. "I was there."
"Why don't I remember you?"
"Because you were too wrapped up in your own world, which consisted of Thomas and John, and your cousins."
Possibly, Gwendolyn thought to herself. She was a typical child. "How do you know so much of what Father was thinking?"
"He told me. It was a terrible blow to him when Jacqueline ran away. He went through a lot of trouble to arrange that marriage to Prince Stephan. She could have been Queen of Bron today." He said this with a smile of wonder, as if he was visualizing the possibilities.
"I miss her," Gwendolyn muttered.
"You two were close, weren't you?" He asked.
"Yes. I always felt I had to love her since Father didn't; didn't at least show her anyway. I wish she was around so that I could talk to her."
"Angry because she ran out of her own wedding?"
Gwendolyn looked up in shock. "Angry? There is no way I could be mad at her for that. That was the single bravest act I have ever seen a woman commit. I am proud of her for it and will be forever."
"What do you have against marriage?" Cardinal William asked in horror.
Gwendolyn was getting angry. The constant line of questioning was beginning to bother her. "Nothing."
"Are you happily married?"
"Yes."
"Why praise your sister for running out on it?"
Controlling her temper the best she could she stood up. "Your Eminence, I love my husband. We have known and loved each other for years. I praise my sister because she would not accept a marriage with someone she did not love simply because it fit into her father's plans."
"I'm sorry to have angered you so. I see you have much of your father in you now. That legendary temper made your father a hero you know." He looked at her stomach, bulging noticeably out of her layers of dress. "This can't be good for you. Please, sit down," as he motioned for her to sit next to him.
He looked down at his hands. Gwendolyn stared at that statue on the altar. There was a moment of awkwardness. "I'm sorry if I have upset you," he said as he continued to stare at him hands.
Gwendolyn hadn't felt so much grief in her life. In a moment, she was grieving for her past: her mother, father, sister, and her love. Never before had the pain loss been as great. All she could ask about was the statue. "Where did you get that?"
"Your Father bought it for your mother. I don't know the details. But when your father left for the Holy Land he carried it with him and had it blessed at the site of Christ's birth. It was your Mother's favorite piece."
"So why is it here?" she said angrily.
"Your Father gave it to me when he furnished the funds to build this chapel. It was right after your mother's death."
"Why?"
Cardinal didn't know what to say. He simply uttered the fact that he didn't know. Another awkward silence began. It lasted a few moments until the sound of mass exiting the cathedral broke them back to reality. "Are you looking forward to motherhood yourself?" he asked.
"Very much so."
"I suspect you will not be at the formal coronation ceremony next month."
"No, the baby will be too much in the way by then."
"I suppose too it is hard being so close to King John to see the coronation of Prince Stephan."
"Yes, it was all very sudden." Gwendolyn added.
"You know I was with him until he died along with Queen Nadia. Will it give you any comfort to know he died peacefully?"
Gwendolyn froze for a moment. She didn't know what to say.
"I also took his last confession."
Angered, Gwendolyn looked at him. The comment angered her. It was almost like he was flaunting a secret. She searched her mind for a diplomatic way out of the conversation. But he continued. "He wanted me to look after you."
Angered by this comment, Gwendolyn got up and stormed out. Cardinal William followed her as she tore out the Lady Chapel and out to the door. When he caught up to her she was almost to the door. "Did I say something to offend, Duchess?"
"For the record, I prefer to be called by my father's family title, which makes me the Lady of Folles. And if you are hinting at some innuendo or courtly rumor about me and King John I really don't appreciate it."
Angered, he stormed in front of her. "Follow me," he said as he stormed towards the confessionals. Usually, Gwendolyn did not take orders. Being a member of nobility, she gave them, she never took them. Yet, she swallowed her pride and anger, and followed him into the confessional. She sat down on the bench, placed her hands on her belly.
She watched as he opened the confessional window.
"My child, I loved your mother as a sister. She was one of the kindest women I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. In respect your mother, I would never hurt you."
"I'm sorry if my actions were defensive, your Eminence," Gwendolyn said without apology. "I have heard so many rumors about me and my child I'm sick of them."
"Would you like to know about John's last day?"
Gwendolyn looked at him in shock. She didn't remember saying yes, but he began to tell her anyway. "He was in and out of consciousness, but he stayed lucid enough to give me his final confession. I can tell you that he loved you dearly and felt horrible about not being with you."
Tears poured down her face as he continued. "He did not want to die for he was excited to see his child. He told me that he wanted to live long enough to see you give birth. He was so weak though, I knew it wouldn't happen. And he told me I was the third person on earth to know the truth about your child. He begged my silence."
"So why are you telling me this now?" Gwendolyn said between her tears.
"So that you may have a friend other than Thomas. Admit the fact that you are alone in the world. Aside from Thomas, you have your fundamentalist uncle and aunt who oversee the Folles. You can't tell them anything. You don't know where Jacqueline is and I am the only link to your family. Truth be told I miss your mother's friendship and I was hoping that you and I could be friends."
Gwendolyn thought about this for a moment. "I must have your total confidence."
"I swear on your mother's grave. You have my word."
Gwendolyn whipped the tears out of her eyes as the clock in town struck the half-hour. "I need to go," she said as she got up and walked out of the booth. She was halfway to the door when she realized she never thanked him. Gwendolyn quickly turned around and walked back to him. He was standing there watching her walk away.
"Thank you," she said as she took his hand in hers. "You have given me a great deal of peace and for that I don't know if I could ever fully repay you. Would you please come by our home sometime and tell me more about my mother?"
Cardinal William stood there in shock. He didn't know how to respond. He uttered the words "I would love to." She smiled a smile that reminded him so much her mother and he felt a tear roll down his face as she walked out the door.
At dinner that night, Thomas commented on how much happier Gwendolyn seemed.
"I discovered an old friend today," Gwendolyn answered on how she had changed her mood.
"Who?"
"Cardinal William."
Thomas dropped his goblet.
"Do you have any idea of who he is?" Thomas asked as the servants cleaned up the split cup.
"He was a childhood friend of Mother's."
"He is an advisor to King Stephan."
"So?"
Thomas saw that she didn't care. "Anything you say around him could be taken to the King."
Gwendolyn got up and walked over to his chair. She bent down and whispered in his ear: "Are you asking if he knows about the baby?"
"Yes."
"He swore on Mother's grave the secret dies with him."
"I can't believe you told him."
"He already knew."
"By whom."
"John told him."
Thomas was upset. He got up from the table and walked over to the fireplace. Gwendolyn remained beside his chair for a moment. Then she walked over to him. "It hit me today during my visit to Shergold that John will be remembered as a filler king. You remember those long lists of Kings we had to remember in history. His name will simply be a name to be memorized on a list. Nothing else will be remembered. No one will mention his kindness; or how he tired to help the poor or bring peace with Brittany and Spain." Gwendolyn whispered.
"So?"
"I never knew my mother. Mother was gone and you remember how my father was never around. Every time I asked, no one ever told me anything about her. If something happens to you and me Cardinal William will be around to tell our children about us. About John and the good he tried to do. That way, we will live on."
"Stephan may very well be insane," Thomas whispered back. "And if he finds out the truth we could die."
"Small price to pay for a friend," she said, smiling.