Laughter surrounded me like easily disturbed night
I felt as though the world was against me
My soul was being taken from me
Self-esteem being imprisoned
Mind having the feel of pure nakedness,
while my body lay alone
Belief was running away
Shadows of evil doers encircled me
Voices all around, vague to it's nature
Pain was like a thousand knifes fighting with my consciousness
Show me mercy, my mind whispered
And give me strength, for my hearts despair.
Was this real?
Slowness approached me with time against me
Ten seconds, nine seconds,
Screaming, with the last drops of my strength
Eyes filling up and flooded with angry tears.
Eight seconds, seven seconds,
Blood of my flesh became as one with the depths of the earth
Six seconds, five seconds,
Eyes became heavy, and weakness came upon me like an ocean tide
Four seconds, three seconds
I could see in my mind, as my daughter joyfully played, knelt down at the beach
building a sand castle
My lover I was approaching,
while my husband lay asleep at home
Two seconds, One second
And I watch myself become drowned in my own sinful death
Taking this moment, this very second, let me tell you my fears, what I really want from this world, from myself actually. Speak on it I will, I will speak on it and my words that utter from my mouth will be heard, will be known, will be heard again, will be put into action and will be remembered.
What I want, what I need. Love, love from myself, love to my children. My world, my own personal self.
Selfish, no, not at all really.
Can you understand, can you even know.
Writings, letters on my heart that speak through my fingertips on paper, connecting through my mind, out of my mouth others will see, the words flying around like birds in the sky
Let me speak on men for a moment, just for a moment, because I really could write a book, but just listen.
Why don't you just come real, why do you want to play games with my emotions, why do you disrespect me, why did you cheat on me, why do you hurt me? Why are you lying to me right now?
Why do I give my love to a man and he takes it and sucks it up dry ad takes advantage of me.
Yes, I want love, yes I need love, and yes I want a man to treat me at least the way I treat him.
Ok, yes we are all different females, but what about the ones that are not about playing games, what about the ones who are real and down to earth. What about the ones who just want a man to show and give them love. What about the ones who's down about getting theirs. Ladies and Women.
If you would just treat me right, you have no idea, oh my god you have no idea, how I could treat you like a black king that you are really worth.
Is my realness, my beautiful black self too much for you. Is my loving heart drowning your playerism when we get close... and you become out of breath from the badness of your ways and push me away.
Don't you want love too?
When you look at me is there something you see that I don't see when I look at myself and evaluate my wholeness.
When I loved you and gave you everything that my life was able and capable of giving, why did you do me wrong, why did you play me, why did you hurt me, why did you act like you did not want me anymore.
Ok, moving on, yes I am strong now, I have actually just become strong, strong enough to know that I am worth the respect that you refuse to give me. So I must now move on, move on and love myself the way that I should have loved myself.
The negative energy, release it and don't even think about pulling me down again when I am climbing up the latter of love, of strength, of devotion, of understanding, of courage, knowing now who I really am... and what I will and will not put up with.
Women are powerful, didn't you know? We are a compliment to you... You better recognize!
Yes I will remember you, I remember you as a past article of my life, that is no more, that I will never again want and never again deal with
Women in general can only take so much, and after they become in realization of that...
Then they become strong.
Shadows of his soul scattered words of fear in my mind
I saw the super natural of myself behind the gun
With the glimpse of evilness behind my eyes
The moon drifted away from the sight of it all
The winds were like stabs running through my skin
Feelings of contact grabbed at me
And only night, was there to watch and observe
Underlying the realness of faith proved false
And my fate now proved to be true
True like death, true like life
Demons appeared everywhere with his soul
And they make me insane and implant demented voices in my head
Counting my life lines out loud one by one.
As I closed out life, death welcomed its stay
My lifeless body is flying through the darkness of death
Close to hell, close to the depth of the earth
My spirit will come back in an unknown night
In an unknown vision of shadows to fight for my soul
Caught up in this world, wrapped around, intertwined, engaged to the fullest
Mixed in to the point that I am ashamed
I have become a part of this world, worldly to the bones
I have lost what is true, what I know is right in my mind
I can see it,
What I do is evident
It has become the norm
It is whatever my heart desires
I have become involved too deep, so why change
Let me see where this new life will lead me
It is too late, I have already done what I know I should not have done
It was only a moment ago, a day ago, a week, or was it a year
Can I just go back please
'Capture the moment'...
The love is gone
Desperate emotions caught while my mind was relaxed
Can you tell me why you wish to hurt me,
Can't you just love me, without the pain, games and heartbreak
Can't you just be real
Can you not deal with a woman's strength like mine
Is the beauty too much
Are the shapes and curves overwhelming to your minds desire of a female gender
Maybe the hardworking is beyond what even you as a man can or cannot do or handle
Or are you trying to see how far I will let you go
I told you, I was caught up in this world,
I just want to take all my regrets, including you, and throw them in the air, and the ones I catch, are the ones that I may go back and change
Believe that, believe me
I don't even understand some of the things I find myself doing, after-the-fact
And the things you do, they are beyond me, and cause complete confusion to erupt from my mind in an overflowing discontentment
'Strange revelation of a black women's life'
The silent whispers of time. The endless beatings of hate
Like the delicate winds blowing into the exhausted earth
Is like my new temporary life that has just given birth
The blue devastated skies that soar into the winds then gently sink
into the polluted air
What is life, what is death?
I have no time to explain
I have time only to run, to run to the complete
The deadly hours are drenched with hate. Wanting and devouring
me for its inanimate bate
The persistent perspiration that is angrily sprouting out of my layered
Unknown voices that are secretly calling out my name
To win is my best defeat
Discover the endless boundaries, that I must meet
Like the dusty hasten filled clouds that swivels into the world above,
I want to collect all my powers, and endure my deathly journey
The world that is so clear and round
But inside, they make our minds troubled, with confused thoughts
They make us appear prisoners outside our own minds
Who's to blame? Maybe the prisoners of life that have been incorrectly
Open up your minds eye, so you can see who you are
Because from knowledge, they want you to be far