“Report on Humanoid-666″ by Robert T. Tuohey


Humanoid-666 is a crossbreed species consisting of native Third Stone life-forms inter-laced with a dash of our own divine Avarian genes. It is my contention that the non-inclusion of feathers, resulting in flightless-ness, has caused this experiment to be such a horrendous botch.

The destructive, violent tendencies of humanoid-666 are well documented. "These featherless freaks," to quote a colleague's recent address to the Elder Council, "are the only life-form in the Universe that delights in wanton slaughter – even of their kind!" In fact, very strange to report, all humanoid-666 languages contain a word to describe their own unnatural behavior: they term it "murder".

The savage proclivities of this experimental species are thought to be the result of the design-feature of intellect out-weighing emotion: humanoid-666 possesses one-tenth of the average Avarian intelligence with less than one percent of our intuition. Thus, these pitiful creatures, having no relationship with their environment, each other, or even themselves, fall into bloody rages.

Next, the sexual wet-wiring of humanoid-666 is naught but a tangled nightmare. The fundamental problems are 1) rampant, uncontrolled reproduction (Third Stone resources are currently at near breaking-points), and 2) an entire catalogue of sexual deviations and abnormalities. To be humanoid-666 means to be obsessed with sex – and that obsession is likely aberrant in nature.

No Feathers! My fellow Avarians, I here lay it down as a Universal Law: Any creature without feathers is naturally doomed to idiocy.

The disturbing trends adumbrated above find crystallization in the rapidly declining humanoid-666 social system. Several millennium ago, these godless beings worshipped Fireball-21 (which they term "the Sun"), and then, in what was their one brilliancy, they represented this celestial rover in the form of a Bird-God (e.g., "Horus"). By the present time, however, they have degenerated to worshipping god-men (a ridiculous contradiction), or, in many cases, nothing at all.

Humanoid-666 is a dismal, pathetic failure.

Happily, however, we need not worry ourselves in terminating this experiment, as, in all likelihood, these creatures will soon exterminate themselves.

The Third Stone, however, is wonderfully resilient, and will be entirely salvageable. With rosy anticipation, I look forward to the development and introduction of feather-based life forms.

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