“Frail Nightmares” by Christina Scribner


Last night in my dreams,
I heard myself call out your name.
I screamed it,
I was frantic
and I was panicking.
I'm not sure where my head is,
but my heart...
My heart is a cliché.
My heart
is wherever yours is,
night or day.
I just wish
you were closer
cause I'm missing my own laughter.

Last night in my dreams
I felt your presence,
but I couldn't see your face.
I was worried,
I was afraid
and I woke up sweating
in the middle of the night.
I'm no longer sure
how to be brave
during the day.

Actually, it felt like I was awake.
In my dream, it felt like I was awake.
I miss you and your face.
I threw all of my memories of you
away yesterday.
I put it all in the trash.
Stupid me, I didn't take the trash out.
If I had put your things in the dumpster,
would you have been able to make it
to my nightmares?

I think not.

I miss you.
There I've admitted it.
There look I'm honest.
Now leave me alone.
Leave me the hell alone
so that I can get over you.

Please.

I slept till noon
hoping the dream
would allow me to find you.
I never found you.
I just remember running in circles
trying to find you.
It was dark,
I couldn't see you.
But I could hear you.
I could smell you,
I felt you,
but I couldn't grab you.

I couldn't...

During our time together,
I was never really able to hold onto you.
You always followed the strange pattern
of slipping through my fingertips.

I'm done.

I'm finished sleeping.
I'm finished dreaming.
I don't want to keep thinking
while I'm awake.
I will no longer question why,
we led to this cruel fate.
I won't close my eyes
and see your face.
I won't remember your laugh,
or the days you had my back
and kept me from
jumping from the bridge.

No, I won't remember any of that.
I will just sit quietly
and I will think of the guy who
came over last night to
"help me get over you."
Maybe that will get me over you.

I'm done.
I just want to be done with you.
I left already.
Why the hell are you
still in control?

You keep me dreaming.