“Peanuts Up My Nose” by James G. Piatt

Red toilet,
Broken tiles,
Pants down to me shoelaces
Where is my vanity?

Who are you, with your smiling,
Laughing attitude pushed in my face?

She said, "Two would have done it!"
That was before I had, had six!

I told her peanuts WERE LIKE THAT!
I couldn't stop at two

She just glared and yelled GLUTTON!

I mean, who stops at two peanuts?

Where is Descartes, did he disappeared before he WAS?
And Heraclites and his stupid claim to fame,
I mean who cares if he was a descendent of

I'm a descendent of apes, or maybe
A fish with feet, do I brag? No!
Where is their vanity?
Left in some red toilet probably, or
Maybe Descartes stole it on his way to the ERGO!

Where is the bird with the tiny feet that flew up my
Nose to eat the peanuts? Where is the red worm that
Crawled into my brain?

Camus just walked by and sneered at me, he was tan! Kafka was with him.
He was complaining
About his father again! I liked him better as a dung beetle!

Hey all you screwy contemporary experimental poets with peanuts UP

Your noses, listen up! They won't be
Reading your weird stuff anymore, they are now into Victorian!

Doth sayeth the man with ten peanuts up his nose!