“Rewriting History” by Amanda DiDonna


She's sitting here thinking about that gun
Wondering if she has the guts to be done
She thinks about how much easier it'll be
But see if she did have the guts then she wouldn't be telling this to me
She tells me about that sucky life she had when she was young
And how all she wanted was to be done
He broke her heart
Then her life just feel apart
She lost the only real friends she had
And then there was her dad
He was such a dick
And it made her sick
The yelling and the fighting
And she just sat there writing
What else was she going to do
There was nothing left and her life continued to suck and it still does
she's wishing she could rewrite history to change
to have the guts to pull that trigger to swallow those pills
to slit those wrists to slit that throat
to jump from that bridge to hang by that rope
to die but she didn't have the guts so she did none of these
she just wrote
Wrote about what she couldn't do about being strong
about being able to end it all
I'm 15 and I'm sitting here listening to her telling me this story
and she's telling me about the time when she was 14
and alone with a gun a bottle some pills and a knife
and about the self mutilation that happened that night
she says she never felt more alive
and then she kept going to tell me about her picking up that gun
and about how that bottle gave her the strength she wanted as she rewrote history
and then she was gone gone like the life I knew
as I go to that funeral I see the tombstone and it says
RIP Amanda DiDonna and nothing more
I'm looking at myself as I see my friends all gather around
they're crying saying I love you and I'm sorry I wasn't there to the body
as I walk over I see me and I see the pain I cause
the lives I ruined and the other graves I dug
because I had the guts
and now I wish I didn't
I don't want to rewrite history and hurt all these people
I don't want them to feel all of that pain
its not fair because now their lives suck
I can't help but think what would happen if they were alone
with a bottle a knife some pills and a gun
would they have the guts to rewrite history?