“Watch” by Mary I Huang


Sometimes I wished time was as easy to stop
As removing the battery from my watch.

Watch out, dear friends.
Do not be deceived by the humidity.
For what goes on in my mind
Can never be the same as what goes on in yours.

Two people, touching each other's bodies
Sleeping in the same bed, dreaming different dreams.
"Together," as "friends," or even strangers as we meet.
Navigating through our own fantasies
To reach a common reality (whatever that may be).

Exchanges of familiar words, creating incomplete models
To make sense of our complete experience.
Religion, philosophy, anything with meaning and intent—
All human inventions. Stories to help us move on,
And comprehend the only givens:

That we're born, we die
And everything that happens in between is plain absurdity.

A choice at every moment bookended by two chosen by Fate.
"Leave a mark," "make a difference," "help your fellow man!"
"Be unique," "contribute," "alleviate suffering!"
All noble strivings, I believe.
A "good" life when I can tell people what I do
At a bar on a Friday night and still be proud.

The background music plays on in my head.
Drums continue to roll in with the clouds
to the beating of my heart,
and somehow I'm not allowed to make the rhythm stop.

Searching for a peace of mind inside
by finding me a lover outside (Is this just fucked up or what?).
Seeking a Love so deep it'll save me—
a true sacrifice of the partial truths
For something more complete (whomever that may be).

I run again far away to the top of windy hill
I can't help going back to the same place again.
Another lazy summer re-run: the new shows don't come on 'til the fall
The good stuff hurts even more than the bitter endings,
And there's no escape from the happiness of the pain.

Someone out there must have heard my prayer for another chance.
Another game of hide and seek, we play in this reality.
This time, I don't know where else to hide.
So I take off these clothes and climb up the tree in my backyard.
It's much easier than you would think—
This time, I want you to find me.

There's nothing else on my "to do" list that matters.
So I remove the battery from my watch and pretend to wait.