“Another Sleepless Night” by Bambie Starr


On another sleepless night
I sit on my porch of cinder blocks
In silence
Except for the rhythmic chirping of a cricket
And the occasional passing car
The trees appear as tall lurking strangers
Casting unfamiliar shadows across houses
The air is smooth and cool
And the gray-blue mass overhead is dusted with glitter
On another sleepless night
I sit on my porch of cinder blocks
In remembrance
I embrace memories of my childhood and regret
Only that I did not live it more freely
I recall moments like these and realize there are few
I look upon myself and my situation and wonder
What have I done to get here
Or have I done anything at all
Is it just my fate
I question myself and the man that denied me
On another sleepless night
I sit on my porch of cinder blocks
In love
In love with a man that doesn't exist
Dreaming things that will never be
Hoping for things that are impossible for a mere woman
I sit, filled with guilt worry and sorrow
My feet are in the grave and sinking fast
I see no relief from this pressure on my shoulders, cramping my neck
I see no way out of this black hole that I've been sucked into
I see nothing