“When” by Tayo Oredein

In the event of my demise
Be it self-inflicted or otherwise
Know this-
You couldn’t help me survive
When you shudder at the sound
Of your own name
And the same
Goes for the sight of your face
When you’d rather be anyplace
Than with you
When your rainbow fades
To dull shades of grays
When your failures and flaws
Become defining traits
When the taste
Of salt colors all that you eat
from the tears stream down your cheeks
Even while you sleep
When you have no more reason to fight
When you don’t fit into anyone’s life
Least of all your own
When you’re afraid of idle hands
Because you understand
The glory of self-destruction
A welcomed reprieve from
Heart wrenching emotion
If only for a moment
When your judgment’s impaired
By pangs of despair
When your desire to disappear
Embraces the most permanent of methods
And you listen to old blues records
Searching for the strength
To end your life
But you don’t own a gun,
Too messy with a knife
And with pills, there’s a chance you won’t do it right
Besides, you’re too much of a coward
To actually commit suicide
Just as scared to die
As you are to survive
So once again you’re stuck
Shit out of luck
Not giving much of a fuck
About yourself or anything else
You find nothing matters
Because everything does
And you’re sick and tired of
The bullshit and pain that comes from within
Too powerful to be eased by vodka and Vicodin
So what do you do
When you’re sick and tired of yourself
What do you do
When no one can help