Introduction
1000 AD- After the death of Balder, the Norse gods realized that Ragnarok was near. The humans had stopped believing in them and their very existence was in danger. The only way to prevent Ragnarok, they decided, was for the humans to continue to believe in the gods' existence, even if it meant the humans had to believe that the gods were fellow humans. The gods traveled to Migard, now called Earth, and joined the humans as kin. Over the centuries, the gods were forced to change and adapt so that they could fit in with the humans. Our story begins now. It is 1999. The gods have been among us for nearly a thousand years. The new millennia approaches...
Chapter One
The old man looked like a wizard out of a fantasy novel. He had long, white hair and a long, white beard. Adding to the image was his full-length, red overcoat. He was about six foot eight with a medium build. Once closer, his eye patch can be seen. His companion, however, was a complete opposite. Standing five foot six and skinny as a sapling, he wore a Lords of Acid shirt and a five o'clock shadow.
As the pair walked down the road in the comfortable October afternoon sunlight, they talked of plans.
"I still say we should leave by four so we can get a good parking space," the small one was saying.
"James, I'm telling you, the game doesn't start until eight, and I can get us there in less than an hour. We don't have to leave until six. Otherwise, we'll just be sitting there doing nothing or three hours," the old man said.
"And we won't be the only ones, Logan. The Trout are playing the Sparrows this weekend, and the game will be packed. They're battling for first place," James shot back.
"Whatever," Logan gave up. "They'd just better let me bring my book-vue in."
The strange looking duo turned onto a path heading towards a house. An older woman sat upon the porch. "You two still arguing?" she asked.
"NO!" they both shouted.
"Meg, would you be a dear and get us some sodas?" Logan asked.
Logan and James sat down on the porch. Meg soon joined them with three bottles of soda. The two men never noticed their shadows. As the three began to talk, the shadows rolled off of the porch and around to the side of the house. The forms then rose off of the ground and began to take human shape. The first was six foot tall, wearing all black clothes with a black leather trench coat and fingerless gloves. He had a pale complexion with long, dark hair and a goatee. As he finished materializing, a scar running from his forehead, across one eye, and down to his jaw line became visible.
The second form was a child of about five years. She wore black jeans with a black tee shirt. On the shirt was a picture of a vampire cat. In her arms were two stuffed animals. One was an extremely worn cat. It had a name tag that said "Famine." The other was a dog wearing a tag that said "Hunger."
"K'we kill dem yet, Daddy?" asked the girl.
"Not yet, Hel. First we must gather them all together. Then we'll kill them all at once. All of those who left me imprisoned in that cave for centuries. Then I shall be free to wreak havoc upon Migard, making the humans my slaves and ruling in a castle made from the bones of their "world leaders." They shall once again learn to fear Loki, the god of all evil!"
"Bu'wen k'we kill 'em, Daddy?" she asked.
"In three days time, they shall all gather to watch a football game. Their enjoyment of violence has never subsided, making them predictable. All of them have received tickets to the event, and as it is sure to be a bloodfest, none of them shall miss it. The only one I have not been able to locate is that damned Thor, but one out of eleven I can kill later."
"Oh, lemme, lemme!" she pleaded.
"We'll see..."
Chapter Two
Randall thought he was the luckiest man alive. His home team, the Seattle Sparrows, was battling the Cleveland Trout for first place in the International Football League, and he had won four tickets to the game that were right on the fifty yard line, plus airline tickets, round trip, open ended, and rental of a house for a month. He didn't even know what contest he had entered.
He invited his friends Fred and Laya to go, and he would be bringing his girlfriend, Valerie. Girlfriends, he reminded himself. See, he actually had one-hundred eighty-three girlfriends. The difference was, they all resided in the same body. His only complaint about that was that it tired him, having to make sure she had one-hundred eighty-three orgasms at a time.
They had just finished packing and were getting ready to go pick up Fred and Laya on their way to the airport. Fred and Laya were siblings and as such, argued constantly. They were also the best of friends. The good news was that the house they were staying in was big enough that Randall and Valerie wouldn't have to listen to them. Besides, if Valerie had her way, they'd be making plenty of noise themselves.
Chapter Three
As Ben placed the "Closed for Vacation" sign on the window of the coffee shop he ran with his wife, Ida, he let out a sigh. "You think it will be okay, leaving for a week and announcing it to the world?" he asked his wife.
"Of course, it's not like we're in a bad part of town, and besides, the campus kids'll watch out for us. They'd better, otherwise they won't be able to manage that late-night, caffeine induced studying anymore," she laughed. "And even if something did happen, it's not like we'd go hungry or anything," she added as she made a golden apple materialize in front of her.
"True enough," Ben admitted. "I still can't believe Adam had to go on an emergency business trip to Scotland, and just gave us his game tickets. And he knows better than to buy non-refundable plane tickets."
"Yeah, we really lucked out. Dealing with college kids all evening for so many years, I think we need a vacation," Ida added.
Chapter Four
The lights went out in the windows of J&H Swords and Fishing Supply at nine o'clock. There was a sign in the window that said "Closed for the game. Why are you here?" Every weekend when there was a home game, the owners, Jared and Herman, placed that sign there before they headed towards the game. In the two years since the I.F.L. had formed, they had never missed a game. It was their belief that nobody within five hours of a football stadium should ever be home on Saturday night during football season.
Chapter Five
Homer loved it when the record company execs sucked up to him. He had brought in their last nineteen hit performers, and now he had another hot selection under his management. One they desperately wanted. Her name was Aiera, and everybody wanted to know her secret. Homer knew, but he wasn't telling.
The reason all the good acts signed with him was because he knew they should get to keep what they make, and not have to give ninety percent to a greedy manager. He charged a flat twenty percent of profits. No loopholes, no hidden costs. He was honest and therefore successful.
The company had sent him two tickets for the big game in Cleveland, one for himself and one for a date, wanting to show him a good time while they tried to get him to sign Aiera to their label. But again, instead of inviting a girlfriend, he invited Aiera to the game, since she'd been the reason he'd gotten the tickets. Besides, between scheduling tours, checking album sales, and scoping new acts, he didn't have time to go out on a date.
Chapter Six: Game Night
"James, here's a fifty, run down and get us each a couple hot dogs and a beer," Logan said as he handed a rolled up bill to James. They had been sitting in their seats for two and a half hours. Logan had read all of Neil Gamian's Good Omens in that amount of time, and was anxiously awaiting the game's start. The team had finally come out on to the field and started warming up. Logan couldn't believe how many familiar faces he saw in the crowd. Almost all the remaining major gods were there. It made him suspicious, for he didn't like having them together. He knew that the Earth's existence depended upon their survival. The only ones he didn't see were Thor, Loki, and Hel. He didn't know what had happened to Thor. Nobody had seen him in about thirty years. As for the other two, they were locked in a cave deep below the earth with Fenrir, the wolf, and the World Serpent.
Downstairs, James had finally gotten to the counter. "Six hot dogs and three beers," he ordered.
"I sorry sir, no hot dog left," the young girl behind the counter spoke in broken English.
"Great," sighed James. "Now what do I do?" He began to walk to another line when suddenly someone grabbed him and pulled him into a storage room. Before he knew what had happened, he was bound and tied to a chair. Then a light snapped on overhead.
James saw a pale man dressed in all black standing over him. Somewhere in a darkened corner of the room he herd a little girl asking "Can I kill 'em, Daddy, huh, huh, can I kill 'em?"
"Not yet, Hel, first we must get some information from him," said the pale man.
"Pleasedon'thurtmepleasedon'thurtmepleasedon'thurtme," James started repeating.
"Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jim. We're not here to hurt you, we're here to KILL YOU!" Loki taunted. "Now tell me, James, have you ever heard Odin mention someone named Thor?"
"Who'sOdinwho'sOdinwho'sOdin?" the bound man began.
"Odin! Oh, what's he callin' himself now? Hel?"
"Logan, Daddy!" she answered. "Can I kill 'em yet?"
"Have patience, my dear," said Loki.
"Awww, patience is boring!"
"Hesawmycomics,saidthatThorwassofake,that'sall,that'sall,"
"Aaa, I should'a' known Odin would be smart enough not to talk about the gods in front of a mortal."
"Whoareyouanyway?" James finally wondered.
"Why, James, you don't know me? I'm Loki, the god of all evil!"
"Oh,JesusChrist,oh,JesusChrist! Please, please help me!" James started chanting.
"Jesus Christ! What an idiot he was. Yeah, sure, his daddy may have been a god, but-his-mommy-weren't-no-virgin!" Loki let out an evil laugh.
James went back to his "Pleasedon'thurtme" chant. Loki just looked at him. Finally, he said, "Jimmy, when are you gonna get it? I told you I wasn't gonna hurt you. I'm just gonna kill you!" Loki drew his arm back and in an eye blink, his fist was through James' skull.
"Awww, Daddy! I wanned ta' kill 'em!" Hel whined.
Chapter Seven
Ben and Ida couldn't believe it. They hadn't seen Heimdall and the Valkyries in centuries, and they were with Frey and Freya. Even better was, they were in the seats directly in front of Ben and his wife.
"Bragi, Idun, long time no see!" Randall said.
"Uh, hu. It's Ben and Ida now."
"I see. I go by Randall and she goes by Valerie. The twins go by Fred and Laya. Man, it's been a long time!"
"A good three-hundred years, at least," said Ida.
"At least. So what have you two been up to these last few centuries?" asked Fred.
"Oh, nothing much. Ida and I run a coffee shop near Nevada State University. Campus kids pretty much keep us busy all year. What have you been doing?"
"He's a radar control tower watchman at an airport in Connecticut, Fred is a weather forecaster for a radio station, Laya has an advice column in the local newspaper, and I ride the horsies, and I'm hungry, and I am >Caa< >Caa< I'm flying away, and I want to go to sleep, and I want the game to start, and I attend psychotherapy on a regular basis, and I..." she rattled on, and on, and on.
"I think you get the picture," Randall said.
"Yeah," Ida agreed.
Chapter Eight
"Hel, my daughter, fetch the World Serpent. We have need of his talents," Loki said.
"Daddy, 'es not Serpent, 'es a Hamster," Hel replied.
"Whatever, my dear. Take him up to where Idun, Heimdall, and some of the others are sitting. Release him near them. He knows what to do." Loki again let out an evil laugh. "This is too easy!"
Hel left the storage room and began to maneuver her way through the crowd toward a closed concession. Nobody noticed a small child wandering around. When she reached the concession, she slipped into a door beside the closed window. Once inside she said, "'Ello, Fenrir, don' worry, you get fed soon." The large collie looked at her and went back to sleep. She went over to a glass aquarium and opened the lid. Then she took out the aquarium's sole occupant, a small brown and white hamster. "Come on Worldie, you get go get 'de apple lady. I bet you tink she teas good!"
Chapter Nine
Jared and Herman loved their end zone season tickets. They loved being able to see the players coming right at them, the ball flying toward them. "Hey, Herm, think we'll run out of beer before half time?" Jared asked.
"You crazy? We only got five each," Herman replied.
"Hey, don't you think it's weird how so many of the other gods are here?" Jared wondered aloud.
"What do you mean?"
"Look through the binoculars, over on the visitor's side, at the fifty yard line, in about the twelfth row. I see Frey, Freya, Bragi, Idun, Heimdall, and the Valkyries, Valerie or whatever they're calling themself now."
"Oooh, that woman freaks me out!" Herman exclaimed.
"Yeah, me too. Then, over closer to the thirty, up towards the top. Is that Odin and Frigg?"
"Sure looks like them. Wonder what they'd be doin' here?"
"I don't know about you, but I'd guess they want to watch a football game? Besides, last I'd heard, they lived in North Canton, about an hour from here."
"That only leaves Thor and Hoenir," Jared pointed out.
"Guess again," Herman said. "Check the vid screen."
"'Homer Norseblood, of Norseblood Celebrity Management,' well I can figure out what he's been doing the last few years. Who's the chick? She looks kinda' familiar."
"Her name is Aiera; She's some new hot singer. But you're right, she does look like someone I've met, I just can't remember who." Herman stared at the screen, in deep thought. Aiera had dark, medium length hair pulled back with a barette. She was six foot, two-ten, and in perfect shape. She wore black slacks with a short sleeve red blouse. "Wait a sec...Remember when Thrym stole Mjollnir from Thor..."
"Oh, my god, I don't believe it. He must have really gotten a kink, er, I mean kick from that frost giant."
"I'll say..."
Chapter Ten
Logan knew something was wrong. The first quarter was over, and James hadn't returned. Meg was beginning to worry, too. "Logan, every one of us is here. We can't find James. Something isn't right here. Why would we all show up at the same game on the same day?"
"What do you mean 'every one of us?' I haven't seen Thor."
"He's here... Or should I say she's here?"
"What do you mean 'she's...? Oh, I see... Oh, I don't want to know!"
"Well, it can't be a mere coincidence, can it?"
"You're right, it is not very likely we'd all attend the same game. But, I'm not going to try to figure it out, right now, I'm going to say 'hello' to everyone sitting right down there, and then I am going to try to find James." Logan got up and headed toward Randall and his group on the fifty yard line.
"Hello, children. It certainly has been a while since we've all been together," Logan said.
"Odin, you're here too?" exclaimed Laya.
"Nice to see you, too, Freya. It's Logan, by the way."
"Yeah, Laya, Fred, Randall, Valerie, Ben, and Ida. We were just commenting on how odd it is that so many of us would be here."
"All of us, my dear, all of us are here."
"Where's Thor, Njord, and Hermod? We saw Hoenir on the screen," said Ben.
"Njord and Hermod, or Jared and Herman, as they go by now, are in the end zone towards your left. As for Thor, if you saw Hoenir, you saw Thor. She was sitting beside him."
"She..?" started Ida.
"So that's Aiera's 'deep dark secret' that she sings about!" stated Randall.
"But why would we all be here? What could gather us all together, and why would it do that?" asked Laya.
"I see Famine, I see Pestilence, I see a girl, oh, hell, I wanna ride the horsie, we're in it deep, Randall, the voices in my head are telling me to kill a child, isn't that wrong? How much wood would a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?" Valerie raved.
"Famine and Pestilence! Hel's companions!" Fred exclaimed.
"And a little girl? Could Hel have taken the form of a child?" Ben wondered.
"Where could she be?" asked Laya.
"I don't know, but isn't Hel supposed to be locked in a cave with Loki and her animal siblings, somewhere deep underground?" Ida asked as she looked around.
"Yes, but they could have escaped," Logan realized.
"Well, we're definitely in for a hell of a game, quite literally!" said Randall.
Chapter Eleven
"I got a hamster, he used to be a sna,a,ake. He's my little brother, he'll decide your fa,a,ate." The young girl skipped as she sang. She loved playing with her brother, the World Hamster. She didn't have to leave him up by the old, rotten, good guys just yet, her Dad could wait for a little bit to get revenge. Why not, she had to put up with him talking of nothing else in that cave for over nine-hundred years! She wanted revenge, too, but she also wanted to have some fun. She bet her Dad wouldn't even let her kill anyone, no matter what he said.
Then she had an idea: "Waid a minnit, whad if I kill 'de gods for 'em. 'Dat'id make Daddy happy. Hey, Worldie, d'ya know 'ow I ken kill 'de gods all by my self? Hmm, I ken git Fenrir, I bet he help me!" Hel then set off back towards the consession stand again to find her other brother, the collie.
"'Ey Fenie, ken 'ou 'elp me? I wanna kill 'de gods on my own, wit'out Daddy, but I don' tink he let me. But he be happy if dey all dead, wite? If we do 'et on our own, Daddy shud be proad of us, wite? 'Ell 'ou 'elp us? Worldie 'reddy said 'e 'ould."
Fenrir let out a whine, then barked, "Arf! Arf!" in agreement.
"So 'ow 'ou wanna do dis, Fenie?"
"Arf, woof, aoooouuu."
"Das' wad I tout, too! 'Kay, les go!"
Chapter Twelve
"Meg, I want you to go and sit down there with them for right now. I have to go look for James, but I don't feel right leaving you alone when something strange is going on."
Logan was genuinely worried. They had started pushing Valerie to find out where Hel had gone, but all she would say was, "She go bye bye." Randall had said that Valerie's more child-like personalities had not begun coming out until after they had arrived in Cleveland. He couldn't even find the usual twenty-something personalities that normally were in control.
Meg let out a sigh of acceptance. "I suppose they'll have to fill me in on the details?"
"Yes, that would be best."
Logan walked down the steps under the grandstands to the concession area. He scanned the crowd of faces for any sign of James, but found none. Then he saw him coming out of a storage room. Logan didn't know what James would be doing in an "employees only" storage room, and decided to investigate the room rather than go after James.
When he entered the door, he found James's body with a hole through the front of his face. Logan had seen a lot of death over his centuries, yet a cold-blooded murder always made him sick to his stomach. Yet, he had seen James leaving the room.
Valerie may have seen Hel wandering the grandstands, but she wouldn't do something this violent this quickly, Logan realized. She liked to have fun with her victims, torturing them or coming up with a clever way of killing them. James had been killed in one strike, no tormenting involved. That wasn't Hel's style. That was more like...Loki!
Loki and Odin had once been good friends. Loki was a trickster, though, and often caused trouble for the gods. When his trickery caused Odin's son, Balder, to die and be trapped within Hel's realm, Odin had Loki locked within a cave deep below the Earth's surface along with his monstrous children. When the gods' council decided to abandon Asgard and live among the humans, the cave was sealed so that Loki would be imprisoned for all time. Or so they had thought...
Chapter Thirteen
The security guard opened the door for the scraggly looking delivery boy. The boy had brought up hot dogs, candy, sodas, and beer for the people in the press box. Homer Norseblood had called an order down about twenty minutes before.
The boy then started handing out everyone's orders. The guard didn't notice that he knew what everyone had requested. However, Aiera did.
As Homer took a bite of his hot dog and a sip of his beer, the boy seemed to hesitate, watching. Then Homer began to choke. As he fell, he spat out the words, "Poison, help me," and died.
While everyone ran over to try to revive him, Aiera took out Mjollnir and tapped the "boy" on the shoulder. As he turned, she saw his true, scarred face. "Excuse me, don't I know you?" she asked, and then swung Mjollnir, taking Loki's head clean off.
Loki's head went flying through the press box window, shattering the glass. It flew all the way out on to the field and landed on the twenty yard line as the Trout kicked a field goal. The kick was good, and Loki's cranium then went flying through the goal posts and toward the crowd, landing in Jared's lap just as he and Herman were taking drinks of their beers. Both gods began choking and were soon dead. Loki's decapitated head then said, "I have not completely failed! I shall have my revenge!" and died.
Chapter Fourteen
Ben, Ida, Fred, Laya, Randall, Valerie, Meg, and everyone else in the stadium saw everything that happened. They watched on the vid screen. They saw Homer die, Loki get decapitated and thrown about, and Njord and Hermod choke to death. Seeing Loki dead, they believed the threat over. As people fled the stadium in panic, Meg asked, "Well, should we leave or wait for Logan to get back?"
"Hmm, with Loki dead, I think we should just wait for Logan. I don't think we have to worry about anything," Ida replied.
Downstairs, Logan was just leaving the storage room as people ran for the gates in a mad rush to get out. Logan knew something must have happened. He began to fight his way through the crowd to get to where Meg and the others were. Suddenly, he tripped and fell on to the ground.
He glanced over near his feet and saw a hamster. "How the hell did that thing get in here?" he wondered. Then he saw a large collie making a bee-line for him. The dog was upon him before he could move. In the background, he could hear a little girl laughing. "Hell's right," he realized, as the dog tore his throat out. "Ragnarok is upon us!" he cracked out as he everything went black.
Chapter Fifteen
"I don't feel so good. Me too. Me seven. What do you mean, seven. Uuuussss ttttoooo."
"Uh, oh, I think Val's feelin' it too," Randall said. All the gods were feeling ill except for Meg. The stadium was abandoned, but they could hear the sounds of horns, screeches, and car wrecks outside. They knew they weren't the only ones sick.
"I think I'll lie down a bit," Ida said.
"I second the motion," Laya replied.
Chapter Sixteen
Hel knew her daddy had done something to the beer everyone was drinking. That's why when she got there, only the old lady was left. The beer had killed them all.
Now she had to figure out how to kill Frigg, for she was the only one left except for Thor. Thor wasn't there though. Fenrir was too full from Odin to eat the old lady. Hel looked at the World Hamster and said, "'Ey, Worldie, 'ya 'ungry?"
The World Hamster flew out of her hands and attacked Meg. Hel didn't know what to do then. She looked at Famine and Pestilence in her arms and asked them. "'Wat we do now? Nobody left to kill. 'Ost 'de gods are ded. 'Wat we do now?"
Her stuffed companions just stared at her blankly. "I know! We take over 'orld our selves!"
As the young girl and her companions skipped out of the stadium, she sang, "We gonna take over 'de 'orld, we gonna take over 'de 'orld, we gonna take over 'de 'orld."
When they passed Odin's body, with his dying breath, he rasped, "Oh, hell, there goes Midgard..."